Sarah McLachlan - Fumbling Towards Ecstasy

I have been trying to stay awake to prepare myself for my hours tomorrow..so I have been listening to some music....this is one of the many tunes that I have played

10 things I like about me

I was checking out some of the blogs I follow this evening and came across a post by An Aspiring Writer's Blog. She had posted 10 things that she liked about herself. I thought I would follow her lead since I could use this right now....her goes nothing. This is going to be hard.

1. I like my sense of humor...I have this gift to make others laugh. I am grateful for it because surprisingly it keeps me going. There is nothing like making some one who is on the verge of tears smile.

2. I like my ability to give. I would give to my worse enemy. I fully believe it is better to give than it is to receive.

3. I like my caring heart. I care deeply for those around me and my friends. I would stop what I was doing to make sure they were ok. Although caring too much gets me in trouble sometimes. I have a big heart.

4. I like my creative side. I can be very creative and I freaking surprise myself sometimes. I can paint and write semi-well I suppose.

5. I like my ability to see the beauty in everything. I can sit down anywhere and enjoy the beauty that surrounds me.

6. I like my smile... I enjoy smiling even when I feel like crying. Smiling is wonderful.

7. I enjoy learning and I like to help others learn. Knowledge is power.

8. I like my strength to keep fighting even when it seems all is lost.

9. I like the ability that I have to work and relate with troubled children. If I end up helping one child I have done a great thing.

10. I like my ability to love even when it hurts.

11. A bonus I love my ability to text the most random crap to special people....you know who you are!!!

I'm OK

OK, yesterday was a really bad one. I took one hit after the other till all I could do was literally sob. It doesn't matter what happened. I felt like laying in the bed and not getting up all weekend by the time I reached my bed last night. I was throwing in the towel.
Today...I realize life is about taking risk. If you never take risk you will never know. Things happen whether they be your fault or not your fault. I am thankful for some great friends who rallied around me. Someone helped me pull my foot out of my ass last night.
I have come to a few conclusions. The major one is I am not a freaking quitter. I have faced some pretty tough shit and I still keep marching on. This time is no different. I am not letting things get me to the point of giving up. I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT. I am going to keep smiling no matter how I may feel on the inside.
The second conclusion...there may or may not be someone out there for me. It really doesn't matter to me anymore. I know people say it will happen in due time but what if it doesn't? It won't be the end of the world I will make great friends along the way and be happy. I am tired of worrying with it.
Finally I still have a goal and I still don't know how it will unfold but like I said I am not giving up. I will not stop dreaming that life can and will be wonderful. I am OK and will continue to be. I heart all my readers and I hope you each have a wonderful weekend. :)

♪ Smile - Charlie Chaplin

Today summed up in one word... difficult. I can't express in words how I am feeling. However this song has been on my mind and I found this video with one of my favorite comedians Charlie Chaplin. I have to keep smiling it is all I got.

Two Fires One Meal

This past weekend was rather hectic and exhausting. I am still recovering well into my work week. I can actually look back at some of the weekend now and laugh. I made one meal and caused two fires. In my defense cooking for 15 people isn't easy.

It all started with Marshmallows and sweet potatoes. I made the kids I work with Thanksgiving dinner Saturday evening....an easy task or so I thought. The kids really wanted marshmallows on their sweet potatoes. We made a little trip to the grocery to get some marshmallows and pies.

I was in the kitchen working like a mad woman after finding out I had a time limit to make dinner because the kids had something scheduled. The marshmallows were not getting toasty quick enough. Using my quick thinking I moved them to the top rack and put the oven on broil. Little did I noticed that a fellow employee had moved the rack up as high as it would go. About 5 minutes later I check on them....OMG they were on freaking fire. We quickly turned off the oven and waited a minute. I open the oven they were still on fire. I quickly threw down my towel at the sound of the smoke alarms going off.
Well kids guess were I threw my towel......................wait for it ..................................on a freaking stove burner that was on. Fire number two, was quickly put out.

The sweet potatoes were on fire for about 5 minutes, no joke. I had to run around the facility and open some windows. I was a frantic mad woman. It was awful...my co-worker was like that's ok I like my marshmallows crispy. Once I pulled out the sweet potatoes and carved into the marshmallows her response changed to "well maybe not that crispy." I was able to remove the marshmallows and salvage the sweet potatoes. I am thankful no one was injured and there was no damage done other than the damage to my ego. Leave it to me a big old snuggie lover....:)

New Beginnings

I sat at my desk and thought about my post yesterday One Leaf. I thought about some of the comments that were made and I realized I need to let go. I sat down and wrote out my feelings about the new beginnings that are ahead.

New Beginnings
My soul has withered, yet my heart is mending. I am letting go, giving way to new beginnings. There is nothing left for me on this branch. Seasons of transformation are approaching quickly. The winds of change begin to blow. I am letting go and I float to the ground. I will evaporate into something new. I give way to new beginnings. I am letting go to find the joy that has yet to come. I am anticipating the new beginnings that are waiting.

Those are the thoughts floating around in my little head. I hope and pray for new beginnings.

One Leaf

I recently I have been taking strolls in my favorite park nearly every day. I use this time to reflect and pray/meditate. Honestly, my thoughts have been all over the place lately. I use this time to be by myself and collect my thoughts. It has become very peaceful and calm. While walking I looked at this tree with and noticed this branch with only one leaf. Of course, I found this intriguing and snapped a photo.

One little leaf.....

I stared at the leaf for a moment, it looked like it was hanging on for dear life. It is dry and withered yet it has faced the wind and remained in tact. I feel like that leaf. I am very lonely and feel like I am on a branch by myself. I am faced with certain things yet I remain on the branch. There is life out there in the distance but it seems way out of reach. Maybe I need to let go....There are lessons to be learned everyday.